


Straight girl worries she's being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes she's fallen in love with her

by kostass



Category: Fashion Model RPF, Kaylor - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, F/F, Homophobia, Oblivious Karlie, Stoned Taylor, i wrote this in a day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 22:30:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19036912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kostass/pseuds/kostass
Summary: I type the last paragraph, feeling satisfied with myself;“Roommate is gay, I am not but I thought I was okay with her being gay until I realized I feel crappy when I see her with other girls and it’s started to affect our friendship.How do I deal with this? I’ve never been homophobic but I’ve suddenly developed some kind of homophobia where just the idea of my roommate’s sex life makes me uncomfortable. And I don’t react like this to other gay people either, it’s just Taylor. I don’t know if this means I’m only okay with gay people as long as I’m not living with them or what. Is there someone out there that has experience with this? Someone I could ask?





	Straight girl worries she's being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes she's fallen in love with her

**Author's Note:**

> yeah you know that reddit post that is popular in fanfics? Kaylor didn't have a fic with this theme so I decided to write one about it.  
> Based on [this](https://www.gaystarnews.com/article/straight-guy-worries-hes-homophobic-gay-roommate-ends-falling-love/#gs.f7s1gp)

 

New York City was bright. It was everything that was promised to me with its blinding lights and never endless sounds. It was also the best choice to start my career, where my modeling could really take off. A new beginning.

But it was also really expensive to live in. Without any real job I had to give up my hopes to find an apartment just for me and started to look for the “looking for a roommate” announces on the internet. I didn’t like sharing my space, much less with a stranger but I also didn’t want to be in a situation where it would come down to paying rent or eating, so I had to swallow my pride.

That’s how I ended up knocking on the door of a girl that seemed nice enough for me to consider living with her. The door was white, and the paint was fading but this was also the only apartment that had a reasonable rent.

“Hey.” The door opened, a tall blonde girl behind it. “Come in.” She disappeared into the living room. I took a step in her direction.

Weed. That was my first thought when I set a foot in. The apartment reeked of weed, but to my surprise, it was really clean, with everything neatly in its place. Not like you imagine a junkie apartment to be. I was half expecting thrown out clothes and dirty dishes and although the furniture seemed old it was well kept.

The blonde girl was already sitting on the couch when I cached up to her. “Come on, I’ll give you the tour. My name is Taylor.”

“That’s a boy’s name.” I blurt out without thinking and I’m horrified when I realize what I just said. Fuck, that’s not a good first impression.

Taylor just looks at me as if I were a strange creature and I’m ready to take off running when she bursts out laughing.  “Well, I don’t know any boy named Taylor. Female Taylors are better anyways.”

“I do.”

“Hm?”

“A boy named Taylor, I mean. I know him.” I smile stupidly when I remember the guy I have been in a friend with benefits relationship for the past few months. I’m quite infatuated with him.

Taylor makes a face. “Okay, whatever, just don’t confuse us.”

I scoff. “As if I could”

She ignores me and stands up. “Come, I’m gonna show you the house.”

I follow her. The house is small, with four rooms and a tiny bathroom with an even more tiny shower. When we are in our way to my future room we pass a white door that I assume leads to her bedroom for the giant rainbow that is stamped on it.

My room is small too, but it has a decent bed, a nightstand, a desk, a chair, and a small window. It was more than I was expecting, honestly. Taylor leads me then to the end of the hall and oh surprise, there’s a balcony there. We barely fit in but there’s enough space for her weed pots, us, and a fluffy chair that looks a lot like a puff.

“I love coming here. The wind hitting my face, it’s so refreshing.” Taylor sighs with a lost look. “You can join whenever you want.”

“Uhm, thank you but I don’t think the puff has enough space.”

“You could sit on my lap.” Taylor winks, and I nearly choke on my saliva. I start to cough, and she palms my back with a confused expression.

“Are you okay?”

A few more seconds pass before I’m able to speak. “Yes, I just, uhm, I just never been hit on by a girl before.”

Taylor’s eyebrows rise so high they disappear behind her bangs.

“Oh, I thought―” Her brows are furrowed now.

“What did you think?”

Her cheeks color a light pink. “You look kinda gay.”

“Oh.” I start to laugh at the absurdity of the idea, “Oh my god, no. I’m like totally straight. Like I can’t get any straighter, I like dic―”

“Okay, I get it.” Taylor chuckles but it’s awkward. She goes to the hallway again and I follow her until we are both sited in the living room one across each other.

“So, did you like the apartment?”

“Yes, I can see me living here. And the rent price is something I can afford so yeah, I would very much like living here.”

“Okay look, I don’t want to make a long interview because you seem like the kind of person I can trust so I’m just gonna ask you a question.”

 I sit straighter. “Anything, shoot.”

Taylor stares at me for a few seconds that make me squirm in my seat before talking. “Are you homophobic?”

The questions caught me off guard. “What?”

“Because I’m gay.” Before she can continue I scoff and say, “Yeah I noticed.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You noticed it?”

“Well, I mean...” I make a gesture in her direction and let my eyes drag through her outfit. She’s wearing a white hoodie with a rainbow across it on the chest that continues on the sleeves, with matching white sparkly shorts with rainbows on the sides. Her eyeshadow is sparkly, and her nails are painted with different pastel colors and short, very short. Blue shoes compliment her outfit.  If a rainbow were able of shallowing someone and then throw them out, Taylor would be the result.

She laughs. “Okay, I’m not subtle about it. I’m not ashamed of who I am.” Her expression grows serious. “Which is important to me to live with someone that is okay with me bringing girls here. I can’t accept someone who doesn’t agree with that part of me. So I’m gonna ask you again, are you homophobic? “ 

“Oh noo, no, of course not. I’m totally okay with it. My high school best friend, Cara, is also gay, and we are still really close. I don’t have a problem with it, seriously. Oh! Maybe I could introduce you two to each other and―”

“Thank you but I’m fine.” Her eyes are gleaming with amusement, I guess it’s pretty funny watching me trip over my words but this girl makes me kinda nervous. Maybe is just because I really want the apartment.

“Welcome to your home.”

I let out a little scream, delighted, and without thinking, I go and hug ger. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“You are welcome―” Taylor stops mid-sentence and I pull away when I realize I’m hugging her so thigh. “I don’t think you told me your name”

I smile, big, the smile I only do when I’m really happy. “It’s Karlie. My name is Karlie.”

Taylor smiles back.

“Then you are welcome Karlie.”                     

* * *

 

Life with Taylor is easy and comfortable. We become quick friends and I even manage to land a few model gigs, nothing big, but at least it’s something. That’s a far cry of life in St. Louis. I did the right thing coming to live here.

“Where do you work?” I ask her after we have been living together for two months and I still have no idea.

“Writing publicity.”

“What?” That doesn’t even sound like something that exists.

“You know the catchy phrase in the ads? I write them.”

“That doesn’t look like a real job.”

“I thought the same. But the money on my pocket is very real, Karlie.” She snorts.

“That’s why you are always writing in that journal?” I have noticed her in the balcony a few times, writing down in a pink journal with a dreamy face.

“God, no. I come up with the phrases on the ads in two seconds and stoned.” That makes me laugh. “What I write there are poems. I love writing. It’s when I’m the most honest with myself.”

“Yeah?”

She makes an agreeing sound. “You know before I came to terms with my sexuality, I was in deep denial. Of course I didn’t want to be different and live in a world where people like me get mistreated. I didn’t want any of that. So I tried to force myself to be interested in boys, to make those feelings go away. I refused to think myself of anything different than straight. But then I would sit down and write down how pretty I thought a girl was and how much I would like to kiss her and that was the only time I could be honest with myself. So yes, I love writing.”

“Wow.” I’m at a loss of word. I didn’t expect Taylor to open up with me. “I appreciate you telling me this.”

Taylor stares.

“And what do you do?”

“I want to be a model.”

“Oh, that’s why you moved in here.”

“Yeah. New York is my big chance.”

“I think you are gonna get a stable model job soon.”

“You think so?”

“Yes, you have the body and dude oh my God, you are so tall. You have everything.”

“I know! I’m taller than everyone!  Do you know how hard is to find a dude that isn’t insecure about my height?”

Taylor scrunches up her nose. “Dudes are so insecure about that. Whenever I take a picture with men shorter than me, they ask me to duck. “

“Tell me about it! That’s literally me since I hit eighteen.”

We both burst out laughing. “I never thought I would meet a woman taller than me. though”

I smile. “Well, now you have.”

Months keep passing and I realize something; Taylor is a play girl. Or well, maybe not a playgirl but definitely a one night stand person. She brings women here more often than not, and for the glimpse I can catch, all of them are blonde with green eyes. She definitely has a type. None of them stick around after a few times. She’s usually discreet enough about it that I don’t see or hear anything I wouldn’t want to see or hear from anyone else, so I don’t really tell her something about it. Sometimes I tease her about having an active sexual life but apart from that, nothing.

Since Taylor brings girls home, I see that as a green light to bring the other Taylor home whenever he’s in the city. It comes in handy to have a friend with benefits because I don’t even have to go out to get laid.

I’m discreet about it too, but unfortunately one day Taylor catch us when he’s unbottling my blouse and we both freeze on the spot.

“Oh!” Taylor covers her eyes. “I’m sorry I just came back for―” She takes a few steps towards the coffee table. She grabs her car keys. “this.” Then she goes away as fast as she came. Boy Taylor blinks.

“That was awkward.” He says. I’m not very interest in hearing him talk so I kiss him, and his hands find my blouse again.

Later that night, Taylor comes bargaining into my room. “Move night?” she asks sheepishly, and I nod, going into the living room.

After the movie is over, Taylor pokes my ribs. “So that guy huh?”

“His name his Taylor.”

“No way! That’s the guy you mentioned a few months ago, right?”

“Yeah, him.”

She snuggles closer to me. She makes a ‘hmmm’ noise.

“I have the same name as your boyfriend. Therefore, I am better than everyone and you should like me more.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“No?”

“He’s my friend with benefits.”

“And you like me more?”

“Are you asking me if I like you more than the person I have sex with?”

I look into her expression trying to see if this a joke, but Taylor looks serious, confident even.

“Yes.”

I laugh. “Okay, I like you more,” I say jokingly but maybe there’s more truth to those words that I’m willing to admit.

“Good.”  She smiles pleased. A beat, then, “Are you okay with this?”

“With what?

“With this.” She makes a gesture pointing between us. I still don’t get it and it must show on my face because she sighs and says, “I mean if you are okay with me flirting with you.”

“You were flirting?”

She shrugs but her cheeks are slightly red. “Yes, I’m a flirty person, I can’t help it. But I know straight girls are uncomfortable about that, so if you want me to stop just tell me and I’ll try my best.”

“No, I’m okay with it. It’s kinda funny. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all. I don’t feel threatened. And we are enough friendly to do it don’t ya think?

“It’s just meaningless flirting.”  Taylor somehow makes that sound like a question. Like she’s waiting for me to tell her what this is exactly.

“Yes, it doesn’t mean anything.”

“It doesn’t mean anything.” She repeats but it feels like a lie.

* * *

 

Another few months pass. One morning where I just came back from a gig, Taylor comes into my room, stoned, holding a bong. She looks frizzled and paces back and forth. I watch confused until I manage to get my ass out of the bed and grab her wrists, making her sit with me.

“Hey what happened? Are you ok?” She stops squirming and looks at me, very focused.

“I just discovered something.”

“Yeah?”

“Hmfm.” She hands me the bong. “Do you want some?”

 My eyes go to the object in question. “Uhmm, I don’t know, I have never―”

“It’s okay. You should let yourself go, once in a while.” She hands me the bong again. “I can help you.”

I don’t know what it is about her, maybe it’s her blue eyes watching me with eagerness, maybe it’s the way her hand is casually dropped over my arm. Either way I end up accepting. She teaches me how to do it and 20 minutes later we are laying in my bed, laughing our asses off. The world is spinning, and everything seems funny right now. I feel so relaxed.

“Do you want to know what I discovered?”  Taylor laughs, and I hand her the bong again. She takes a long drag.

“What?”

“My name is Taylor because my parents named me after James Taylor. And your name is Karlie because of Carly Simon, I remember when you told me that. And you know what? They were married! Isn’t it crazy?”

“Wow, that shit is so deep, dude.”

Taylor nods with enthusiasm. “I know. Maybe we were destined to meet. It was fate and shit.”

“Yeah. Except my name is Karlie with a K not a C, like Carly Simon’s. And it has an I instead of a Y. It also has an E at the end”

Taylor laughs and I join her. “Karlie with a K? All this time I thought it was with a C! Like Carly Jae Repsen.”

“Model Karlie Rae Jepsen. That would be funny. “

“I prefer model Karlie Kloss.”

“We should get married.”

“What?!”

 I shrug, downplaying the matter. In my head it makes perfect sense. “Like Carly Simon and James Taylor.”

“Ohhhhhh.” Her voice sounds like it makes perfect sense for her too. “Yeah, we should.”

I smile. Taylor smiles back. I close my eyes and feel like I’m floating.

“I love your smile. It’s like a sunshine.” I hear her breaths slowing down. That’s how we both fall asleep, beside each other, with our shoulders brushing.

* * *

Before I know it, a year living with Taylor has passed. Things are the same as always, we keep being friends, we continue our meaningless flirt and sometimes we get stoned together. That’s when we flirt the most but after we are both normal again, we just laugh about it. And I might get a contract with a big brand soon, so things are looking pretty great.

One night where the event I’m modeling to gets canceled at last minute, I return home early. The clock says it’s only 19:00 so maybe Taylor and I can watch a movie. I put the key in the lock and I open the door, totally petrified by the sight that greets me.

Taylor and some girl are making out in the couch, looking like they want to suck the life off each other, too busy to notice me. Seeing them together kissing makes me feel...bad.  So bad that I feel like everything is spinning around, my head suddenly hurting and my stomach getting upset. Oh God, I might throw up. I feel like I’m going to throw up.

Taylor finally notices me and she pulls away from the chick. The girl just stares at her feet and Taylor’s cheeks reddens.

“I didn’t think you would be back for a while.”  She’s clearly embarrassed.

“Uhm, the event got canceled.” I start to get embarrassed too, God, this is so awkward.

“I’m sorry― “

“It’s okay.” I just want to get out of there, so I give her a smile I hope is convincing and I go to my room. The nauseating sensation doesn’t go in all night and I spend the rest of the day wishing that it does, turning in my bed and being miserable. I didn’t understand why I was so disgusted about finding Taylor with another girl, there was no reason for me to react this way. I tell myself that they just caught me by surprise and that’s why I reacted so strongly, that this was just a one time thing. With that thought on mind, I finally manage to get some sleep as the lights of dawn greet my window.

It turned out it wasn’t a one-time thing. The more Taylor kept bringing girls around, the more annoyed I would get. It was bothering me a lot every time I noticed there was a girl in the apartment and my frustration grew every day. I never had a problem before with this. I think about Cara, and her girlfriends and I never felt weird about her dating a girl. Even now when she tells me about her flings I don’t feel the sensations I do when I think about Taylor with another girl. With my incapability to pinpoint why I feel like this about my roommate, I even go as far as to search girls kissing on the internet and then, lesbian sex. I wasn’t disgusted by it, ―if anything a bit curious― it didn’t make me uncomfortable or bothered me in any way.  I was okay with gay people.

Then why did I feel homophobic towards Taylor?

“Oh my god.” I bury my face in my hands and growl. “I’m homophobic.”

The worst part is Taylor starts to notice my sudden shift towards her flings and is affecting our friendship, but she doesn’t say anything about it. We both keep pretending everything is fine until one day everything blows on my face.

I’m coming home from work and just as I set my bag in the living room, I see a girl that looks like she’s about to leave. Her shirt is crumpled, her hair tousled and her whole posture is disheveled. She screams of sex. Sex with Taylor. For some reason that thought makes me see red.

“Good evening.” She smiles sheepishly. “My name is Charity.”

“That’s a stupid name.” I growl annoyed. I just want this girl to leave.

“Oh, uhm okay.” Charity laughs. It’s high pitched and it makes my ears screech.

“The door is right there.” I point out grumpy. “You can leave now.”

“Gosh, I didn’t know Taylor had such a rude roommate.” I hear her murmur under her breath when she passes me by, which only fuels my anger and I follow her to the doorway only to slam the door on her face. Well, her back actually.

I turn ready to punch something only to find Taylor watching me with her arms crossed. She must have heard the commotion.

“Why are you being such an asshole?” Her scolding tone makes me wince. So we are finally addressing _that_.

I don’t know what to say so I just shrug my shoulders. Taylor takes a step closer to me, her expression becoming angrier by the second. “Do you have a problem with me sleeping with her?”

Yes, I have a lot of problems. It makes me feel bad. But of course, I wouldn’t tell her that. I don’t want her to think I’m homophobic even if I am. “No.”

For some reason that pisses her off more. “Don’t you think I haven’t noticed the weird looks you give to every girl I bring over. Or your rudeness. You can’t complain about me when you used to bring your fuckbuddy over and I was forced to see you being affectionate with him sometimes!”

“I haven’t brought Taylor in months!” Taylor’s yells make me want to yell too. My statement is true. I broke off our FWB relationship a few months ago because I didn’t see the point of it anymore when we lived in different cities. “I haven’t been with anyone since him.”

“Oh, and it’s that my fault?!”

That makes me backtrack. “No, of course not.” I sigh, trying to calm Taylor down. “Look, I’m just having a bad day, that’s all. I don’t care who you sleep with.”

But that was the wrong thing to say. Taylor looks more upset than ever and I’m starting to feel panicked by the whole situation.

“I’m going to a friend’s place to cool off.”  She takes her jacket and walks towards the door.

“Okay.” It seems pointless to convince her to stay when she’s like this.

When she’s about to leave, she finally turns to looks at me. “And you’ll be okay if I sleep with her as long as I do at her place and not ours, right?”  There so much poison and loathing in her words that I can only stare when she slams the door.  Later that day, I text her, reminding her about our plans with Kimby. We were supposed to hang out with my sister today. But she never replies and I cancel the outing, disgusted with myself.

I sit in the couch and scream in frustration, feeling utterly useless. Taylor has never blown me off before and I spend the rest of the day feeling like shit. But I knew I deserved it; it was in part my fault because thanks to my behavior I made her feel like I was judging her for sleeping with girls. God, I’m such an asshole. I wish this feeling would go away, I wish I would stop being like this.

The next day, Taylor comes home and we spend the day baking. She acts as if nothing happened but I’m worried, I don’t want to lose her as a friend. I don’t want these stupid feelings to end our friendship.

A few weeks pass and my homophobia just gets worse. Every time Taylor brings someone I can’t help but think what did those girls do to her body. Did they kiss her breasts? Did they touch her in that spot in her ribs that makes her ticklish? Did they pass her hand over her perfect fluffy hair? Touched those curls and caressed her check? I can’t stop thinking about that, even if I don’t want to imagine it. It’s like these thoughts are sealed into my brain and they make me really uncomfortable and grossed out. And those are only girls she messes around with, what would I do if she gets a girlfriend? It would be the end of me.

How do I deal with this? I’ve never been homophobic but I’ve suddenly developed some kind of homophobia where just the idea of my roommate’s sex life makes me uncomfortable. And I don’t react like this to other gay people either, it’s just Taylor. I don’t know if this means I’m only okay with gay people as long as I’m not living with them or what. Is there someone out there that has experience with this? Someone I could ask?

 I want to get over myself and stop whatever this is, but if I can’t I’m going to have to leave since the last thing I want to do is hurt Taylor, and if I stay here and keep automatically judging her for her lifestyle that’s what’s going to happen.

I don’t want to be homophobic. I want all of this to end, to stop happening.  I search in the internet for answers but I come back empty, so I decide to post on Reddit about my case. It takes me twenty minutes to type out everything I consider important. Maybe someone will be able to help me out of this.

I type the last paragraph, feeling satisfied with myself;

_“Roommate is gay, I am not but I thought I was okay with her being gay until I realized I feel crappy when I see her with other girls and it’s started to affect our friendship. How to deal with this/stop being such a dick?”_

A reply comes only twenty minutes after;

_“Are you sure that weird feeling isn’t jealousy…? i mean, this only seems to revolve around Taylor specifically.”_

I stare at my phone, blankly. I have thought about jealousy being one of those weird feelings I can’t identify before but when I thought about what I would be jealous for, I came up blank. I type my reply.

_“I thought about that, but I don’t know what I’m meant to be jealous of. She definitely has a more active sex life than I do but reacting like this to something like that seems really strange and irrational.”_

The reply comes quickly.

_“Yeah I thought maybe you don’t like seeing Taylor with other people because you want her attention to yourself?”_

That comment gives me whiplash. That person is totally right. What if I became over the last few months one of those persons that don’t like to share their friends? I remember girls in high school being jealous because their BFF was talking to someone else or had a new friend. It was a common thing. My jealousy made me act homophobic. I sigh relieved, finally, a name to my feelings. I sleep that night better than I had done in weeks.

The next day I’m supposed to meet with Cara in a café and I decide to show her the post to see what’s her intake on it and to ask her if the jealousy would ever go away.

Cara reads the post with mildly disinterest at first but as the seconds pass by, I can see her eyes widening and her face inches closer to the screen, almost like if she wants to get inside my phone. Once she’s done reading it, she bursts out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” I scrunch up my nose. Cara hands me my phone back, still laughing.

“Karlie you big dumb homo,” she looks at me incredulously.

“What?”

“You really are an oblivious walnut,” she shakes her head, and I tilt mine, more confused than ever. “this sounds like you have a crush on Taylor.”

“That’s not possible!” I feel very hot all of the sudden. Like if the collar of my neck is choking me. And trapped. “I’m straight Cara! You know that better than anyone”

“Hey, hey, calm down. No need to get your panties on a twist.”

“It’s not like that, I―“ I feel like I’m tripping over my words. “I have always liked boys. I don’t find women attractive in that way.”

“But you do find Taylor attractive, don’t you?”

I can’t help but smile stupidly when I think of the girl.  “Well, yeah. But she’s gorgeous. Everyone would feel attracted to her.”

“Would you like kissing Taylor?

That question catches me off guard. I feel like my body is going to explode from all the heat that I’m feeling right now.

“I don’t― I―I never thought about it.”

“But would you like it?

I think about Taylor’s cupid bow lips. About how cute they look with her trademark red lipstick. About how would it feel to smug that lipstick off with my own lips. “I think so.”

“Oh Karlie, honey, you have it bad for this girl.”

 The panic comes in full force again. “But I can’t be gay! Not that being gay is a bad thing but I can’t be. It’s not―I only feel like this with Taylor.”

“Karlie, you can like every woman in the world or just one, that doesn’t make you anything less gay.”

“I’m straight.” I say on the verge of tears. Cara places a reassuring hand over mine and squeezes softly.

“No, you are not. You are gay, or bisexual, but you don’t have to think about labels right now. I know everything seems scary right now, but you will get over it and then you will feel free. You are going through a lot right now.”

“So those feelings I was having were not homophobic?”

Cara laughs again. “God no, Karlie. They were just jealousy, but you didn’t know how to deal with them so you thought it was homophobia.”

“Is there a chance they can be friendship jealousy ?”

Cara clicks her tongue. “Karlie, you don’t want to kiss your friends.”

I start to cry.

* * *

The next days are bit blurry, coming to terms with myself. I spend the major part of the day hanging out with Cara, who’s there to guide me through everything and to reply to every one of my questions. Seeing Taylor now it becomes easier, like a weight lifted off my chest, now that I know what those feelings are. Now that I can accept that I have romantics feelings for her.

“I was thinking when Taylor mentioned your friend with benefits when you said you two fought.” Cara says one week after the big reveal. “It sounds to me like she wanted to get you jealous.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah, also her reaction when you said that you didn’t care whom did she sleep with it. Why would she get upset if she didn’t want you to make you jealous?

 A warm feeling spreads on my heart. Hope. “So you think she likes me back?”

“I think there’s a fat chance she does.”

I smile for the rest of the day.

* * *

A month passes before I accept myself and work up the courage to tell her. I was scared of messing up our friendship and losing her, but I was even more scared that I might just let this pass without saying anything and then she gets a girlfriend and I have to see her with another girl. Because if that happened I would probably have to end it anyway since as I’ve established, I’m not great at dealing with her being with other girls.

So I tell her. Right after a Greta Gerwig marathon since nothing says romance like coming of age films. 

“I need to tell you something.”

Taylor puts down the bowl of popcorn. “Okay.”

“I have finally realized that I was being such a dick with you because I was jealous.” There, I said it. I feel like I’m at the edge off a cliff but then Taylor laughs and shrugs it off and that makes my frustration grow ten times.

“There’s nothing you have to be jealous about. It’s not like you would have any trouble finding people to sleep with.”

I pass a hand through my hair. This is unbelievable. “You are not getting it.”

Taylor laughs again but she stops when she notices my nervous posture. She must know I’m serious now. My hands are even trembling a little.

“What I am not getting Karlie?” Her voice is softer this time. Like she knows she has to be careful with me.

“I like you! Okay? I really really like you. I want to kiss you and hold your hand and do all kinds of cheesy shit with you!”

Taylor looks like I fish out of water. “I thought― but you said― “

“I know I said I was straight, and I thought I was, but just a month ago I realized I have feelings for you. And during all that time I have been working up the courage to tell you.”

Her baby blue eyes are wide open and warm. That makes me feel a little bit less anxious. She grabs my hand.

“You know, all that flirting wasn’t meaningless.  For me it meant something but since I thought you were straight, I knew it would never go farther than that. So I just spent the next months trying to get over you.”

Now is my turn to look surprised. “I can’t believe it.” A warm feeling starts to expand across my body.  “So you like me back?”

“Yes.” She squeezes my hand tighter. “I want to do all kinds of cheesy shit with you too.”

This feels surreal. I feel like I’m floating. “You know I had all of these disgusting feelings when I thought of you with another girl, or when I saw you together. I didn’t know how to cope with that or what they were, so I just thought I was being homophobic. Like I had this kind of homophobia that only applied to my roommate. I interpreted my jealousy for homophobia. Can you believe it?

Taylor bursts out laughing, her eyes scrunching up and all. I laugh with her too and together we both end up laughing off a lot of our nervousness and awkwardness.

“I never knew you were the jealous type.” She teases me.

“Shut up.”

“Good I can believe this. Usually when I fall for straight girls they don’t want me back.” Taylor looks kinda shy and is weird seeing her like this since she’s always pretty confident.

“I’m not as straight as I thought.”

“No, you aren’t.” Taylor caresses my cheek.

“We should try something out.” I whisper against her lips.  She takes the lead and kisses me. I have never kissed someone with lipstick before so interesting experience but also really good. There was something really hot about watching her lipstick smudged and knowing I was the cause of that. Plot twist: it turns out I don’t have any problem with Taylor kissing girls if it’s me she’s kissing.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I probs misspelled "cheek" a thousand times and I struggle a lot picking up the difference between "is" or "it's" so if I have grammar mistakes it's probs that.
> 
> Give me attention or I'll die.
> 
> EDIT 24/02/2020
> 
> K for anyone that read this before im writting this edit i just want to apologize for having mentioned Tarantino 😭 i had no idea who he was at the time I was writting this and i just added it bc thats how it was in the og reddit post. Now that i know who he is, i realize how homophobic that was of me and i have changed it for greta gerwing instead. If u are reading this fanfic after this date then ignore this note. My best Regards to everyone. ✌🏽


End file.
